In yet another stupid mistake, I failed to stock up on provisions before leaving the town, and there's still no other town in sight. I know that meat comes from animals, but actually doing the deed myself is...repulsive. I feel base. Like an animal. I feel like I know no higher meaning.
This is stupid, of course I know higher meaning. I have the blood of a celestial in my veins and I've spent my life studying with Sarenrae...so why do I feel so low?
I killed a fox today. My strength feels diminished and I was exhausted, so I was less efficient than usual. The fox cried out in pain. I tried to hasten its death and end its suffering but it kept trying to run. I had wounded it and it would die without care, but I needed something to eat. It kept trying to run and I kept trying to end this conflict so we both could be at peace, but I wasn't quick enough. It took so long to die.
I can't even wield death properly. Not without being cruel.
Maybe I will die out here. Maybe this is it. I hope my mistakes haven't caused me to fall from grace. I hope I can still be rewarded in Heaven.
I just want this to be over.
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